A Modest Proposal
for Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland from Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Public
It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this great town, or travel in the country (=countryside), when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin-doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags, and importuning every passenger for an alms.These mothers instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ (=spend) all their time in strolling, to beg sustenance for their helpless infants, who, as they grow up either turn (into) thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.
I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of children, in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the Kingdom a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound and useful members of the common-wealth would deserve so well of the public, as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed (=professional) beggars, it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demand our charity in the streets.
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors (=devisers).I have always found them grossly (=entirely) mistaken in their computation. It is true, a child just dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the value of two shillings, which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest and partly to the clothing, of many thousands.
There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas, too frequent among us, sacrificing the poor innocent babes (=babies), I doubt (=fear), more to avoid the expense than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast (=heart).
The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couples, who are able to maintain their own children, (although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present distresses of the Kingdom) but this being granted, there will remain a hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand, for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease within the year. There only remain a hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided for, which, as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft, or agriculture; we neither build houses, (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land. They can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing until they arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly (=promising) parts, although, I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier; during which time they can however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me, that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of the Kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.
I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or girl, before twelve years old, is no saleable (=salable) commodity; and even when they come to this age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half a crown at most on the exchange, which cannot turn to account either to the parents or the Kingdom, the charge of nutriments and rags having been at least four times that value.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old, a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled, and I make (=have) no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee, or ragout.
I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration, that of the hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males, which is more than we allow to sheep, black-cattle, or swine, and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may at a year old be offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune, through the kingdom, always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day (=if boiled on the fourth day), especially in winter.
I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will weigh twelve pounds, and in a solar year if tolerably nursed to increase to twenty-eight pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.
Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in march, and a little before and after. For we are told by a grave author an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent, than at any other season; therefore reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of Popish infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom; and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage by lessening the number of Papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar’s child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four fifths of the farmers) to be about two Shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten Shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or his own family to dine with him.Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants, the mother will have eight Shillings neat profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting, although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.
译文：
一个小小的建议
对于走过这座大城市，或在乡间旅行的人，他们看到的这些景象真是悲凉：街上、马路上、茅屋内挤满了女乞丐，后面跟着三个、四个或六个衣衫褴褛的孩子，向每个路人强要施舍。这些母亲无法靠诚实劳动谋生，被迫终日游荡去养活那些无助的孩子，这些孩子长大后要么因找不到工作而沦为小偷，要么背井离乡去为西班牙那个觊觎王位者【指英王詹姆士二世之子詹姆斯·爱德华·斯图亚特（James Edward Stuart），1688年，任荷兰国王的詹姆士二世之侄威廉（William）击败詹姆士二世的军队，成为英王。詹姆士二世流亡国外，其子詹姆士·爱德华·斯图亚特仍力图继承王位，自称詹姆士三世，世人称其为Pretender觊觎王位者】卖命，也许还会卖身到巴巴多斯（巴巴多斯群岛，位于西印度群岛，曾是英国的殖民地。当时许多爱尔兰人为生活所逼，移民到西印度群岛及美洲其他殖民地谋生。他们的旅费由当地种植园主支付，但必须在其庄园劳动充抵）。
我想所有的各方人士都会同意，这些母亲（有时常常是父亲）怀中抱着、背上背着以及身后跟着的数量如此多的孩子 ，在爱尔兰可悲的现状下，将是一个平添民怨的灾难。
如果谁能想出一个简单易行的办法让这些孩子成为国家（指爱尔兰）的健全有用之才，他将值得公众为他树立雕像，尊他为保国英雄。
然而我的目的远不止限于救治那些公开宣称的乞丐的孩子，我所说的范围要大得多，包括所有那些在某个年代出生，其父母与那些在街上要求我们大发慈悲的乞丐一样，无力养活他们的幼儿。
至于我自己，我酝酿这个想法已有多年，也曾和其他提出计划的人充分地权衡过几个方案，但总是发现他们在计算时犯了极大的错误。确实，一个初生的婴儿在第一年里也许只需母乳而不用其他营养品，费用顶多不超过两先令，或不超过乞讨所得的残羹剩饭的价值。这两先令他们的母亲通过合法的乞讨肯定能挣到的。为了使他们不再成为父母或其所在教区的负担，也无需在余生要吃要穿，我提议，在正好一岁的时候，他们反而应该为成千上万的人的食物，部分也可以作为衣物。
我的方案也有另外一个很大的好处,它能使妇女自愿堕胎和可怕的杀婴（私生子）行为就此绝迹。唉，这种现象在我们之中太普遍了，我怀疑（她们）牺牲那些无辜的婴儿与其说是为了逃避耻辱，不如说是为了逃避抚养的代价。即使是最无情最没人性的人，对此也将一洒同情之泪。
这个王国的人口数量大概总计为一百五十万，在其中我估计有二十万对夫妇妻子尚能生育，从这个数目里我减去三千对有能力抚养孩子的夫妇——虽然我知道在王国现今十分窘迫，不可能有这么多——假定这点是正确的话，就剩下十七万能够生育的妇女。我再减去五万流产的或孩子在一年内死于意外和疾病的妇女。现在实际出生的贫困家庭孩子只余十二万。所以问题是如何抚养这么多的孩子，这个我之前已经说过，在目前的条件下，迄今所提的方案无一能解决。因为我们既不能雇他们从事手工业，也不可能雇他们从事农业；我们不建造房屋（我指的是在农村），也不用开拓耕地。这些孩子在六岁之前几乎不可能靠小偷小摸自讨生计，除非他们具有这方面的天赋。我承认，他们很早前就开始入门，但在这段期间他们只能被看作见习小偷。我从卡文郡一个数一数二的缙绅那里得知此中内情，他曾对我断言，即便在这个国家以最精于行窃之道而闻名的地区，六岁就开始行窃的列子，他知道的也不超过一两个。
我从我们的商人那里得到确证，十二岁前的男孩或女孩作为商品并不适合销售，即使他们到了十二岁，他们的利润也不会多于三镑，最多通过交易获利三镑五先令，这父母与国家都毫无利用价值，他们吃过的营养品和穿过的衣物的钱至少是这些的四倍。
因此，我谨此提出我的想法，希望不至遭到任何反对。
我在伦敦的一个深知内情的美国朋友向我证实，一个年轻健康、营养良好的孩子在一岁的时候是味道最美、营养最佳、最有益健康的食品，焖、烤、焙、煮皆无不可；而我也确信无论做成炖重汁肉丁和蔬菜炖肉，他们都一样美味可口。
因此我谨将其提交公众考虑：上面统计过的十二万名儿童，两万也许将留于饲养，其中男性只需四分之一——这已经比猪牛羊的比例大了——我的理由是：这些孩子很少是婚姻所生，这类粗人也不会计较这些，因此一男足以伺候四位女士。剩下的十万名在满一周岁时可以卖给国内有权有势的人，要总叮嘱母亲在他们最后一个月让他们喝饱奶，把他们养得圆圆胖胖，好作成美味佳肴。在招待朋友的筵席上，一个孩子可以做成两道菜，家庭聚餐的话，孩子的前后腿的四分之一已经可以作为一道好菜了，如果加佐料放上四天再煮，味道将更好，尤其是在冬天。
我算过，一个刚出生的孩子重十二磅，照料得好的话一年以后就可增至二十八磅。
我承认这种食物多少有点昂贵，所以非常适合地主们食用，他们已经榨干了孩子的父母，似乎也最有资格吃掉孩子。
幼儿的嫩肉一年四时当令，但在三月及前后供应最为充足。一位严肃的作家——著名的法国内科医生【指弗朗索瓦·拉伯雷（Francois Rabelais）法国人文主义讽刺幽默作者，著有政治讽刺小说《巨人传》。】告诉我们，由于鱼是促进生育的食物，在信仰罗马天主教国家里，出生在大斋节九个月后的孩子要比别的时节多。因此估计大斋节过后一年，市场上婴儿肉的供应将比平常充足，因为这个王国里天主教婴儿的数量至少是三比一。所以这个方案还有一个附带的好处，就是可以减少天主教婴儿的数量。（爱尔兰人大多不信英国国教而信仰天主教，这也是爱尔兰和英国之间争战的原因之一）
我已经算过，照料一个乞丐孩子的费用（我把所有的佃农、劳工和五分之四的农民都算进去）每年大约要两先令，包括衣物；我相信没有一个绅士会对花十先令买一个优质多肉的婴儿的躯体有任何意见，我之前已经说过，一个婴儿可以做成四道营养丰富的菜肴，如果他只有一些特别嘉宾、或只是和家人用餐的话。
这样，乡绅们都会成为好地主，并受到佃户们的敬爱，母亲们将有八先令的净利润，在生出下一胎之前还可以出外打工。
那些比较注重节约的绅士（我必须说明这是时代所需）可以剥下婴尸的皮，经过加工，这些皮可以制成极好的女用手套和绅士穿的夏季长靴。
至于在我们的都柏林城，屠宰场可以借便承担这项任务，我们将保证屠夫不会紧缺，虽然我建议大家还是买活的婴儿，刚一宰好就加佐料（准备烹制），就像我们对烤猪一样。
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